I lay with an aching in my heart. My thoughts are let loose like a swarm of bees when the hive is rustled just right. When thoughts escape, chaos follows. Fear cripples me, and it’s hard to breathe. No, there’s no reason behind the anxiety — there often isn’t — but my response is the same…I cry out to God.
The phone rings and the details on the other line boil over into uncertainty. Leaning against the wall as it holds me up, I pray against my fears and try to find comfort in the Lord.
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on my response to fear. Yes, I sought out God’s help, but how often do my conversations with the Lord stem from negative experiences? Each of my interactions with the Savior of the world centers around desperation instead of devotion — despair instead of delight.
Though God does show up during those times, He also deserves more from me than to be a last resort — pushed back until my mind needs his strength and my body needs His power. The mountain mover, storm calmer, grace giver, and almighty healer deserves my devotion and delight in all circumstances.
So what now?
I’m working on walking with God instead of running past Him and then calling Him to my side when things get uncomfortable. And the way that I tackle fear, pain, and despair is by creating.
On a phone call with a friend and life coach a few years back, she spoke about my creative gifts. Then she followed her declarations by asking me how I include God in my creative work. My response….”I don’t.”
What a wake-up call! Since then, I’ve been trying to be mindful about letting the Creator be a part of my creations — not the one I call when what I create hits a roadblock.
One of the ways I create is through writing. I write because of the deep work it does in me and the way the Lord uses it to reveal Himself to me and to others.
Writing doesn’t look like the clinking of computer keys crafting “happily ever after” stories. Writing is a gutted work of art accomplished through laughter and sometimes tears that blends the broken pieces of the mind, heart, and spirit into healing words. The word-composing practice connects me to the Spirit.
We all are creative in different ways. You may feel confident in your creative gifts, or maybe you’re still searching. I want to challenge you this week to delight in the Lord through creating with your Creator rather than only seeking Him when you find yourself in need. Just like any relationship, you will find a deeper connection. You also may find yourself battling less with fear and discovering peace that surpasses your understanding.