What Happened When I Put Growth On Hold

As someone who is always talking about “growth,” I felt it was necessary to tell you about what happened when I put growth on hold. I often reminisce about my carefree childhood. A wardrobe of princess dresses and tennis shoes proved that trends were never considered. The food I ate consisted of PB&J with a corndog on the side and never required the counting of calories. How I spent my time wasn’t about getting to the next level but centered around activities like being outdoors, writing stories, spending time with family, and singing loud enough for the world to hear. I was accepted. I was fulfilled. I was enough. I’m not sure when doubt outweighed those truths. But when adulthood welcomed me, it rejected who I was, and I became dissatisfied. Messages of the world hijacked my heart, mind, and body, and I became a pawn in society’s game. Pressure came down hard on me, my kids, marriage, and career. I was convinced that improvement was necessary and vital to feel fulfilled and headed in the right direction, so change and growth were pursued with full force. But one day, I was tired. Tired of my weight, my kids’ not […]

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A Letter To My Children: I Will Give You More Than A Cafeteria Lunch

This post was published on Huffington Post Picture Credit A letter to my children: Much of my motherhood journey has been spent feeling like I don’t have much to give you. What I often offer is equivalent to a cafeteria lunch―it provides the basics to hold you over until your next meal, but it is never enough to leave you feeling satisfied and whole. I chalk my failures up to my lack of interest in some of the responsibilities required of a mother. For example, I am not a huge fan of “play.” Even as a kid, my version of “play” was different than others. Barbies were never my thing. I would use my eye for design to set up my sister’s Barbie mansion. The layout and decor of the house were important to me, but when it came to dialogue, I would draw a blank and stop playing. Sure, I could imagine storylines and dramatic interactions between Barbie and Ken, but in my mind, stories were meant for real people, not plastic, soulless figurines. Other forms of play with you is fun, but it’s hard to sit there stacking blocks or dressing baby dolls without thinking of my to-do […]

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3 Helpful Tips For Parenting Kids With Opposite Temperaments

I first published this on Parent.co It’s common to hear parents discuss the differences between their children, despite the fact that they’re being raised in the same home. One child is a team player while the other migrates to his bedroom as soon as he gets home from school. One responds well to timeouts while the other wrestles until she can break free. And one is a natural with the latest technology while another is an emerging and carefree artist. What activities should we plan as a family? What discipline strategies should we implement? Navigating this parenting thing is hard enough as is, but having children from different planets doesn’t help. Let me introduce my opposite littles, starting with their first interactions of the morning: Daughter: “Good morning, Mommy! It’s a beautiful day!” Son: Screams while attempting to climb out of his crib. After pulling down the curtains that are stupidly hung just within reach, he throws himself down as soon as I walk through the door—as if he’s been helplessly waiting for hours. Then there’s lunchtime: Son: Listens to every food option presented to him while he shakes his head frantically crying out as if he is insulted I […]

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I didn’t know who I was…

I sit at the end of my bed– a young girl wanting acceptance. Every decision centered around the person I think I should be. Nevermind discovering who I am, I only want to become. The N’Sync posters on my walls, flare jeans parachuting over my ankles, and the fuzzy journal tucked away on the shelf next to my Babysitter’s Club book collection all tell a part of my acceptance journey. I want the kids at school to be my friend, the crowd below the stage to be in awe, and for my existence to make an impact on the world. As I sit, I carefully flip through the pages of one of my books reading tales of heroic acts. My mind imagines being in the heroine’s shoes fighting dragons or turning a pumpkin into a horse and carriage that brings together a love story for the ages. It feels good to save the day, so I determine at that moment to live my life in pursuit of a story much like the ones in this book. A story where I would be known and make an impact. So I worked hard to become the best at everything. My middle and […]

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Helicopter Child

Published on Makes You Mom The clock strikes 5:30. Sigh of relief: the finish line is just around the corner. My husband should be descending the steps of his office building, opening the entry door, and walking to his car. He will soon drive home and bring a long awaited release. I picture his arrival like a slow-motion movie, one that arouses anticipation. I’m ready to hide. Three-year-old Evelyn stands on a chair pretending she’s my hairdresser. She not so gently brushes and combs while her one-year-old brother eagerly makes his way across the creaky floors. When the door opens, he hopes to soar above his daddy’s head after being scooped up in an embrace. Seven, eight, nine minutes pass. The door handle begins to jiggle and turn. The man of the house enters, smiling, straight into a puddle of gratitude. Quickly waving hello, I welcome a break. A bedroom retreat awaits. Entering the dark room and gently shutting the door separates me from the expectations, the questions, and, most of all, the touch from the children on the other side. The white comforter becomes a cocoon. My body is mine for the next few minutes, and I feel free. No […]

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