Our adoption story was beautiful, messy, and real. Since we have been home, I have posted pictures of our family vacations, future dreams, and other posts signifying a perfect happily ever after. It’s not been my intention to deceive. We really are a happy family and blessed beyond belief. However, there are moments post-adoption that are difficult.
I hurt for Evelyn’s loss. I have mentioned this before in my adoption blog, but she has so much she will grieve one day that I will never understand and it scares me to know how I will offer her necessary comfort. Her innocent laughter and unhindered childlike trust and love she offers me everyday will one day be overtaken by questions and pain. I don’t believe it will be permanent, and I wholeheartedly believe in healing, but nonetheless, this is reality.
I hurt for our lost year and a half. We are expecting our second, yet the experience is entirely new. I read articles on my Baby Bump App updates all about the initial bonding required from the first minutes after delivery, the talking and singing you should do during pregnancy so the baby learns your voice, the skin to skin contact during feedings etc. So many changes occur in the first few years. Milestones are achieved and celebrated.
I will say, Evelyn and I have bonded more than I could have ever hoped, and we grow closer everyday. There are many milestones I have seen and will continue to be her biggest cheerleader. In no way do I even consider her my “adopted child.” She is as close to me as blood.
Our adoption experience has changed my perspective on all these bonding requirements and pressures expected at delivery. Will I still do them with our son? Of course! But, did this effect Evelyn and I in the long run? I don’t believe it has. But as her mother, I’m selfish. I wanted that time with her and I grieve for it some days. Even if it’s not essential, who WOULDN”T want to experience the ultimate bonding with their children.
There are people who adopt much older children and face many more traumatic issues. I am not belittling this. I am simply expressing the tough parts, the real parts of our journey. I want to look back on all of the moments we have faced as a growing family–not only growing in number but in experience.
As the title of this blog says so well, what a beautiful mess we’re in!